Why It's Lonely At the Top

The human geniuses of the past few centuries stand victorious over many long-lasting issues that have plagued humanity, such as the lack of clean drinking water and the uncontrolled spread of diseases. For centuries, though, humanity has been unable to satisfy its desperate need for deep personal connections and meaningful friendships. In Notes from the Underground, Fyodor Dostoevsky shows readers how to better connect with others by using his Underground Man to highlight the importance of humility in building successful relationships.

Dostoevsky portrays the Underground Man’s arrogance as a critical reason for his failed relationships. To humbly judge others, one must deeply appreciate his flaws and then forgivingly evaluate those around him. Otherwise, he risks elevating himself above those around him since people tend to criticize others more harshly than themselves. The Underground Man arrogantly judges others. For example, the Underground Man demonstrates his disdain for his schoolmates during his youth, stating that he was “amazed at the pettiness of their thinking” and that he regarded them as beneath him (68). In the Underground Man’s youth, his disdainful view of his schoolfellows encouraged them to hate and withdraw from him, and he eventually found himself without friends. Toward the end of his schooling, when he needs friends, his arrogance prevents him from connecting with others (69). Later, in the Underground Man’s adulthood, his contempt for his friends Zverkov, Trudolyubov, and Ferfichkin leads them to ostracize him. He scornfully describes Zverkov, Trudolyubov, and Ferfichkin, three of his former schoolmates, as “scoundrel,” “dullard,” and “little snot,” respectively (70-71). During dinner at the Hôtel de Paris, his prideful attempts to display his intelligence fail, and his friends exclude him. He laments, “They all dropped me, and I sat crushed and annihilated” (76). The Underground Man’s arrogance ruins his platonic relationships and ultimately hinders his romantic relationships as well. When Liza visits his home, she unwittingly shames him by viewing his state of poverty, represented by his tattered old dressing gown. He tells Liza, “You’d suddenly see me in this torn old dressing gown, abject, vile. I just told you I was not ashamed of my poverty; know, then, that I am ashamed” (124). Instead of humbly accepting responsibility for his living conditions, the Underground Man blames Liza for his embarrassment. He says, “I will never forgive you [Liza] for having found me in this wretched dressing gown” (124) and ultimately pushes her away forever (130). In this instance, his unwillingness to humble himself leads him to end his relationship with Liza permanently. Instead of esteeming others above himself, the Underground Man’s pride pushes away his platonic and romantic relations. 

After describing that people must be careful to exhibit a modest nature to build successful relationships, Dostoevsky depicts the Underground Man’s selfish desire to take from others without giving in return as a reason for his inability to connect with them. To exhibit humility, one must give up an aspect of himself in submission to another without expecting a return. Jesus Christ, for instance, demonstrated His humility by stating that He “did not come to be served, but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many” (English Standard Version, Matthew 20:28). While Jesus lived a successful life characterized by serving and giving, the Underground Man ruins his relationship with his only friend by greedily taking from him without reciprocation. He demonstrates his selfish desire to become the man’s only friend, stating, “I also once had a friend… I wanted to have unlimited power over his soul; I wanted to instill in him a contempt for his surrounding milieu” (69). The Underground Man encouraged his friend to push everyone else away, thereby becoming the sole influence in his friend’s life. Yet, the Underground Man was unsatisfied with everything the man could offer and pushed him away once he took all that he could. He says, “Once he had given himself wholly to me, I immediately started to hate him and pushed him away–as if I had needed him only to gain a victory over him” (69). In stating that he pushed his friend away once he had given himself up completely, the Underground Man shows that he views friendship as a medium by which he can freely and forcibly take from other human beings without remorse or restraint. Once he had taken everything he could from his only friend, the Underground Man became dissatisfied and pushed him away, leaving himself friendless again. Dostoevsky blames the Underground Man’s selfishness and grasping nature for his failed friendship, indicating that to make friends, one must humbly practice generosity and altruism. 

In conclusion, Dostoevsky's Notes from the Underground is a poignant reminder of the importance of humility and selflessness in building successful relationships. Using the Underground Man, Dostoevsky masterfully depicts the common human desire to build substantial social connections with others and the typical failure to do so. Pride and selfishness often prevent lonely people from making meaningful connections with others and can lead them to blame others for their inability to connect socially. Since pride and selfishness originate from one’s undeservedly high self-estimation and lack of humility, these traits tend to distance people and make solid social connections impossible. Dostoevsky depicts the Underground Man’s selfishness and pride as the primary causes for his ruined relationships, urging readers to cultivate humility to build and maintain successful social connections.